Bad Austen

The Worst Stories Jane Never Wrote

Imagine Mansfield Park set on the Jersey Shore. Or Mr. Darcy heading up the Starship Enterprise. Or Emma Woodhouse traveling through time to indulge her matchmaking.

If you think that sounds like bad Austen, you couldn’t be more right. It is a truth universally acknowledged that an author as popular as Jane Austen should be imitated, expanded upon, and parodied. Now, in the tradition of the Bad Hemingway and Bad Faulkner contests, comes a new collection of hilarious efforts to write the worst excerpt from the novel Jane Austen never wrote.

Bad Austen: Because the only thing better than good Austen is bad Austen!

Pluck and Plumage

(Tracy Marchini’s story in Bad Austen)

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a book person with a love of ducks, must be in pursuit of some classic literature to duckify. In this quacked tale of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Bennet makes his introductions to Mallard Bingley in the hopes that Bingley will choose one his five grown ducklings as a potential wife – particularly before their long flight south for the winter

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