Today is the publication day for Effie’s Senior Year: The Complete Effie Stories, so I thought it’d be appropriate for Effie to say a few words on this momentous occasion.
3 a.) That said, she has pushed out a baby, which will have birthdays annually. I’ll pretty much have this birthday once.
3 b.) But how special is something that happens annually, compared to something that happens once in a lifetime? It’s like today is Haley’s Comet, and Ophelia’s baby will have birthdays like…. well, birthdays.
3 c.) Birthdays come with cake though, and Haley’s Comet comes with standing outside in the freezing cold while your mother yells at the top of her lungs that “Effie, I can see you’re cold! Didn’t we just buy you a padded bra? Come inside and you can watch this on TV!”
2.) Today’s book birthday means that I have survived my senior year of high school.
2 a.) Just barely.
2 b.) That said, there were only a few days were I thought I would die a literal death. These days usually coincided with major school events, and pretty much any day where Robbie had just had a chocolate milkshake and refused to roll down the windows even though he was creating enough methane for literally every cow whose milk he had just drank.
1.) I get to talk to you one last time before my series is closed.
1 a.) Oh my god, who am I going to talk to now?
1 b.) And what about when I go to college?
1 c.) Gulp. Am I going to have to take advice from my mom?!
1 d.) WAIT! WAIT! I AM NOT GLAD IT’S MY BOOK BIRTHDAY!