Since Effie’s at a wedding and loves lists, I thought that instead of talking about music myself, I’d hand the post over to Effie. Here goes:
The Top Five Wedding Songs I’m Glad I’m Missing While Stuck In This Bathroom Stall
5.) The Chicken Dance
Since most of my relatives dance like the video above, and not the video below, missing the chicken dance is more of a miracle than a tragedy.
4.) The Electric Slide
Three reasons why the electric slide should be banned from all weddings, proms, parties and group events from now until eternity:
3.) It’s confusing. I always end up next to the person who is going the wrong direction, which means that I’m stepped on at least eighteen times by the song is over.
2.) It’s dangerous. One time my friend that’s not a boyfriend, Robbie, accidentally knocked himself in the head doing that twirl-your-fist and move forward part. He could have lost an eye!
1.) It’s a date killer. It’s impossible to look attractive when you’re being covered by the drink of the person in front of you.
3.) The Cha Cha Slide
It’s no coincidence that I picked a video of The Cha Cha Slide in prison. After years of cha cha sliding, I still have no idea what I’m doing. Unfortunately, by the time I remember that I don’t enjoy this dance, I’m stuck in the middle of a group of people hopping at strange intervals.
2.) “Don’t Stop Believin’” by Journey
I like Journey, but by the time this song is played, that means that my aunt is drunk enough to believe she can sing (and does so, loudly), my uncle believes he can dance (and does so, poorly) and everybody starts getting all sad and melancholy and nostalgic because the “best reception ever!” is about to end. Ugh, what a mess. This is when I know that it’s time to high-tail it out of there, because all the boys that did not approach me during the night and also did not get to dance with any of the hot girls they wanted to (read: Ophelia) are going to try a last ditch effort to hit on me. No, thank you!
1.) Any slow song whatsoever
If they never played slow songs at weddings, then I wouldn’t have to pretend like I’m really interested in whatever bits are left on my plate while all the other girls are asked to dance. When we’d go to family weddings, sometimes Ophelia would hang back with me for some dances so I wasn’t sitting alone. But now that she’s got George, she’ll be doing all the anniversary dances and all that, and I’ll be looking at the moldy grape on my cocktail hour plate hoping for even The Cha Cha Slide to save me. (And we already know how I feel about The Cha Cha Slide.)
That about covers it. I hope they get all these songs out of the way while I’m in here… but given my luck, I’m not very hopeful!