In my short story, The Engine Driver, the characters hear music in their head in an effort to control their emotions. It’s like an iPod permanently implanted in your brain, with a government controlled playlist and the ability to pause (briefly) by pressing your fingers together. The concept came to me as a “What if…?”…
Beware the Over-used Adverb
Sometimes in a manuscript, we’ll notice a gross overuse of adverbs, usually attached to dialogue, or listed among description. For example:
“No,” Jane said, forcfully.
“But you said you would buy me a pony,” Cindy said, sadly.
“I thought you wanted a My Little Pony,” Jane said, exhasperatedly.
Cindy stomped her feet quickly, and swung her arms wildly.
“I. Want. A. PONY!” Cindy screamed loudly.
But, if you deleted the extraneous adverbs and used more descritive verbs, you can get the emotion across in a cleaner, more readable way.
“No,” Jane said.
“But you said you would buy me a pony,” Cindy whined.
Jane threw her hands in the air. “I thought you wanted a My Little Pony.”
Cindy stomped her feet, swung her arms and took a deep breath.
“I. Want. A. PONY!”
How else would you rewrite the original paragraph?